Why Am I Getting Married?

 Besides the fun, joy and happiness accompanied with marriage, along side the wedding day, it is still important to ask this question; Why am I getting married?

It will surprise you, that there are some persons who are married or about to be married, but do not know why they are getting married. They don't just have a coherent reason for getting married.

Well it will surprise you though. Marriage is indeed a gracious thing from the Lord God, but some persons overlook the main reason why God created marriage in the first place.

Some persons marry for the wrong reasons or idea. Most of which are actually funny and are not really a necessity to look out for in a Christian marriage.

• You'll hear a guy say "I married her because she can cook".

Well cooking is a very nice thing, but it shouldn't be the only good thing you saw in that lady that made you marry her. There are guys who can cook better than the ladies, sorry I'm not trying to discriminate any gender here. So just cooking alone is not enough.

What happens to the day this lady doesn't cook? And to worsen the whole situation the guy himself can't cook.

Well done sir "oga restaurant owner, shey is your house that is going to be eatery center abi?

• Another one is, listening to a lady say "I married this guy because he's so cute"......

Cute for marriage! Whoa! This is surprising. This is a common thing for the ladies. Our fellow ladies, cuteness is not what is going to sustain the marriage oh... when it is facing trials. 

In fact cuteness will become ugly and sour when your marriage is not balanced. The fact you called him a guy makes it clear, that he is not yet a man, because marriage is only for matured men.

• Another one, this one is very common with the guys. "The girl package". 

Those of us in Nigeria understand what I mean. For our foreign readers, "package" here means a girl or lady with the boobs and butts, the face, the eyes. Not just having it, but having it in excess or to a large extent. (More like extra extra large). 

So there are actually guys that just want to marry because of this. Well we hope you'll be ready to face the drama when that big boobs, face and butts that made you marry her in the first place begins to lag and shrink to something you haven't seen before. "E go shrink like kpomo wen don tey for inside soup".

• Another reason is for Money. This is common both for the ladies and guys. But most guys argue the fact that, girls or ladies are very guilty of this especially in Africa, Nigeria to be precise. 

It is very common to see a lady who marries a man because of his wealth and nothing else. What then happens when the man cannot bring such amount of money he normally gives again? "Shey the same urge that made you marry him for his money go clear from your eye?

Ladies please be wise. A sensible man knows when you're after his money oh....... it is very obvious. Worst of all, he will lose all manner of respect for you.

Anyways most girls in Nigeria are not really concerned with respect though. You'll hear most of them say "what is respect without money?".

But my question for these set of ladies is, is it bad for you to make your own money?. Remember there is a big difference between "my money", "our money", "his money", "her money". 

It only becomes "our money" when you're legally married according to God's standards, and not for selfish reasons.

• The next reason is to avoid boredom. 

To an extent this is bad. You marrying someone because you feel lonely or tired of staying alone. Yea, agreed marriage is for companionship, but not this type of selfish companionship. 

Marrying a person to avoid boredom, is never going to be a faithful marriage. That's if it last. Staying with the same person for some period of time can be tiring, nonetheless getting married to that person for the rest of your life. You're seeing the same face, the same person over and over again.

In fact, we don't advice marriage for someone who feels marriage is to avoid boredom, because he/she isn't going to be faithful till the end. It is not what is TRUE or FALSE, it is just reality.

You want to kill boredom or avoid boredom, and you feel getting married is going to solve that. You better think again, because you're joking. 

If you know you can't stand being lonely for long, then get something doing with your life. Get a job or something and start making your life meaningful to your generation and generations yet to come. But this you can achieve only, if you have a walking relationship (intimacy) with your Heavenly Father. 

• Another reason people marry is for the title. 

Funny abi!!!! There are actually people who just marry because of the title attached to it. Mr. and Mrs. This is funny, these set of persons, I don't really know why they feel it is only marriage they can get this title from.

Why don't they go study a course and get a degree like PhD or a doctorate degree. Marriage is not all about the title, in fact marriage is the only institution you're given a certificate before entering. 

So this is abnormal to other schooling systems, and yet you want to marry because of the title. Please be very informed before you do anything, so you won't end up regretting it later.

• Another reason is "he has a fair complexion skin, or she is fair in complexion". 

This is common with some guys. Well it is not actually their fault, because in Nigeria it is the mindset some of us grew up with. It is often said "fair ladies are much prettier than dark skin complexioned ladies".

Well this isn't true. Beauty is not only in the face, though some people still have this mindset that "if you're a guy and you're dark in complexion, it is not advisable you marry a lady who is also dark in complexion or even darker than you and vice versa for the ladies (if you're fair too). They will end up with statements like "so you won't give birth to an albino" for those that are fair (the guy and lady).

See it is what you saw inward that made you make the move, so if it is your choice then there shouldn't be a problem with that. 

Whether you like it or not, that fair complexion will later fade. With that fair complexion, if she doesn't have character, she will look like a devil, even though she might seem like an angel on the outside. Just like the scribes, Jesus Christ describe "a wolf in sheep clothings (hypocrites)". Matthew 23:27.

Come to think of it, "most fair girls are the ones that lack true character".

It's just like what Proverbs 11:22 calls it "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so isa fair woman which is without discretion" (KJV).

"Fair woman who is without discretion" (Amplified Bible).

The Bible even specifies it, fair woman. So I'm not the one who wrote it, so you won't say I'm biased. Did you see dark woman, though I'm not saying dark complexion women don't have their own faults and flaws. They do, but it's just that, there is this mindset that most fair ladies possess and hence makes them to ignore true character and value and just concentrate on their beauty.

"They will just suspend their brain". Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo.

Instead of them to fill their head with good knowledge and learn character, they start "filling their wardrobes with all sorts of creams, because when you're praised for you have (especially) beauty, you tend to spend too much attention on only that thing". Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo. 

The above was just a brief paraphrase of what he actually said. 

• And finally, the last reason people marry is "to fulfill sexual pleasure".

Some persons believe that once they marry, all their sexual pleasure is over. They believe all the while they have been keeping their virginity, was for marriage and then no more tension of sexual pleasure since they are married. Okay oh.....its alright.

But believe it or not, it is when you're married that sexual temptations and tension becomes the highest. Seek advice from those who are married. So you believing that marriage will solve your sexual drive is a negative thinking. If you rely on this, you'll end up being unfaithful in your marriage. The day your spouse is not around (perhaps on a missionary pursuit and won't be back for some months) and your sexual drive between these few months becomes very high, what will you do?

Since your purpose for marrying was to curb sexual pleasure and your spouse is not around to fulfill his/her duties due to certain factors with one mentioned above, without the help of the Holy Spirit, there is a high tendency that you'll cheat on your spouse. 

Mark 14:38 says "Watch ye and pray, lest ye fall into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak" (KJV).

Marriage shouldn't be the safe house for you to become faithful. If Joseph was depending on when he got married, to learn how to be faithful, then he wouldn't have thought it twice of rejecting Potiphars wife proposal, he would have gladly slept with Potiphars wife, all in the name of "I am not married yet". Though the fear of God was there too.

Your faithfulness shouldn't be dependent on you getting married. You should learn and practice self discipline or self control first, as a single person before entering into any marriage. 

Like we earlier stated, believe it or not, there are more sexual temptations in marriage than when you're single. If people married because they wanted to have their sexual pleasure fulfilled only, then there wouldn't have been Christian marriages today that overcame the test of trials and temptations. 

In conclusion, all we are saying is this, we aren't saying you shouldn't marry a guy that is cute, or a lady that is fully packaged, or a lady that knows how to cook, or a guy that is wealthy or well to do. The emphasis here is, this shouldn't be the major reasons for you marrying these persons.

Marry someone because of tangible reasons and values. And not money or sex. Everything will fade with time, but a woman with character will stand firm.

Proverbs 31:30 makes it clear "Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worship fully fears the Lord, she shall be praised" (Amplified Bible).

Here is a link below of one of our earliest post on "Character"

https://itzlovemeleaveme.blogspot.com/2020/09/beauty-without-character.html