THE BOUNDARIES!

Agreed certain boundaries can never be overlooked when dating, courting or even in marriage.

We are humans and at some point, we need our time, our little time of privacy to reflect on life and the things all around us.

This doesn't mean the relationship is boring, or the person is fed up in the relationship though this depends on the person. Nonetheless, certain boundaries should be respected, and hence it becomes essential in dating or while dating.

In fact the closer you are to a person, the more careful you become not to violate certain boundaries, because at this level of intimacy a little overboard can either enhance the closeness or separate it. You have to be cautious.

   Here, we'll mention a few things that could violate boundaries. 

1. Peeping, sneaking through their phones when they aren't around. This act shows a lack of trust and this is way too childish. If anything should start a relationship, it should be "trust" and if anything is to be missing from a relationship, trust shouldn't be a part of it.

Behaving in this manner means you aren't mature to be in a relationship just yet. 

Yeah, you may ask or say what if he's cheating, what if she's cheating?

Now let's answer that question with another question?

    Has peeping or sneaking through her phone or his phone ever solved the issue of a cheating partner? Well, it hasn't, in fact on the contrary it has resulted in more conflict than ever. The best thing to do is, bring it upfront to this person, sit down and settle things, then peep or sneak through their phones.

A tip: the fact you could still open his/her phone,(to mean that he/she hasn't changed the lock pattern or password on his/her phone) despite their cheating, might probably mean they still cherish you, despite the fact they might be cheating. 

Nevertheless, this doesn't guarantee he will stop cheating or she will, although he/she still cherishes you. 

But this is the bottom line, you can't hurt me and claim you still cherish me. 

2. Stalking the person; the person you're dating has a life outside the walls of your relationship. It's normal for such a person not to be around you every second, every minute, every hour, every day. Even married couples aren't always together every second. 

He/She got work to do, let him build himself up mentally, let her learn new things in areas she has s passion for. We aren't saying you can't achieve this together, of course, you can. 

There is a clear difference between together and stalking. 

 Here is the difference, together with includes you and that partner and other key (important) persons that are needed in pursuit of what you both desire out of life. 

Togetherness doesn't take away the fact that there will be others too to assist us as we grow together.

But stalking, it's the extreme obsession of being together. You don't just want to see him/her around other people, you don't want him/her spending time with other people, you don't want him spending time with his friends, especially of the opposite sex (your man and another woman and vice versa).

One great feature of stalkers is, they're extremely inquisitive. They always want to know what you're up to every second. We didn't say you shouldn't check up on him, but there is a difference between being caring and being monitored.

3. Asking too many questions; funny as this sounds, I used to be guilty of this. Yeah, I always wanted to know more about this person, and so I always asked too many questions. Yeah, the fact you're dating doesn't warrant asking too many questions every second, every minute. We get you're trying to know this person better, you want to understand this person, you want to connect with this person on an intimate level. 

But hey, cut her some slack, cut him a break. We have come to realize that the things you wish to know, seek to know, you'll eventually know. All it takes is time and you'll be amazed that even questions you seek answers to will be answered by your partner without asking too many questions.

All you need do is, be attentive and listen with your heart when she speaks. Every space, every information in your partner's life should be earned by you. Don't rush things, learn to earn that space in her heart where she's free with you, she can trust you with vital information about her life. I mean nobody tells a total stranger about themselves, even when they appear friendly.

This third fact is not for all ladies. Some ladies might love their partner asking questions to know more about them. So please it's not generalised. It's only just the vast majority we're considering here.

A life story;

      There was this friend of mine of the opposite sex. We were in the same department in school, but it happened we shared certain things in common. And so we talked and chatted just to know each other (and hey no strings attached though). But I was always fond of asking too many questions and it was really weird (that is after I went through our chat). I noticed this in time by her responses via chatting. Well, I gave her some time, just to let things flow naturally though we were still friends. The good news is, it did work.

In the long run, things did gradually change, because she became freer with me.

   

But believe this, it does take some time. But in the end, it's worth it. Well, that's all for today.